Bad news

Hello everyone

I am back from my travels with big decisions to make.

This post is really not an easy one to write but something I now feel I have to confront as I cannot carry on the way things are.

I have literally spent the last 2 days crying.  We had a wonderful weekend with my parents but seeing them has made me realise something I have known for a while and that is that I am extremely unhappy.

Mike and I have been going though a difficult spell for a few years now but finally I feel I need to do something about it. Mike won't face up to this fact and thinks that things are fine and refuses to accept that a) he is in the wrong sometimes and b) that it can just be worked out.

The truth is our marriage is breaking down and I write this whilst crying my eyes out and not knowing which way to turn and I have all these questions.

If I leave will I miss him?
Will he be ok?
Can I handle being alone?
Will I meet someone else?
Do I want to meet someone else?
Maybe I won't meet someone as nice as Mike?
Will I be happy leaving?

Seeing my parents has reminded me of the happy bubbly girl I used to be I was always smiling and outgoing but I have turned into this miserable unhappy tearful girl that they don't recognize.


Its been difficult as they have left today to go back to Blackpool (they really did not want to leave) but I have to sort things out in my own head. They wanted me to go with them but I just don't know what to do.   I wonder if I should go there for a week and see how I get on but I am worried I will be unhappy and lonely BUT I am unhappy and lonely now anway and have been for ages

The truth is Mike and I have grown apart, we no longer spend much time together.   Mike has never been physically or verbally abusive to me but he does constantly criticize me and I feel like this has gotten me so down and is the reason for my anxeity and depression.  We have discussed this many times but he never changes so is he ever going to change???

My parents reminded me that I am only 37 and have many years left I am young, I am attractive (although I hardly see this) and I need to get out instead of hiding in the house not wanting to confront things or even go out much.

I will try and keep blogging over the next few weeks to try and keep some normality.

I was going to write about what items I have been buying and my weekend away but I feel its best not to paper over the cracks and face it for once. although I am ashamed to write this.
When I married I married for life so its so hard to face up to this.

I am sorry to you all for writing such an indulgent post but I thought it was for the best to explain and write this down.

I hope you can bear with me at the current time

Thank you
xx